Rediscovering My Feminine Power
Sarah Rehfuss Bastian
Photo by Javardh on Unsplash
On the big screen of a darkened theater, three women clothed in tight black outfits approach two unsuspecting guards; within minutes the guards are rendered unconscious and the women enter the restricted area to recover the stolen treasure. Just down the hall on another big screen, a single woman is trying to raise three kids on her own while looking for a job and secretly nursing a broken heart. In the last theater, a woman glances into the mirror and smooths her hair, refreshes her lipstick, and leaves for a nighttime rendezvous with a rival client.
Aggressiveness, self-sacrifice, and seduction—is this what defines feminine power? Are these the examples of feminine strength that I should turn to in order to guide my daughter in developing her own feminine place in the world? It occurred to me as I looked down into her beautiful face that I was not completely sure how to encourage my newborn to embrace her feminine power until I fully defined it for myself. I began writing this article shortly after Abby's birth in 2004, and I have finally emerged five years later to finish writing it because I feel satisfied with the answers I have found and integrated along my personal quest.
For several years I searched for women’s lives, books, and articles that would help me to further describe “feminine power” in my world. It was a year after Abby’s birth that a wonderful book by Jamie Sams, an author with Seneca heritage, came into my life. In The Thirteen Original Clan Mothers, she shares insight into Women’s Medicine and a description of feminine power that resonated with me. Each Clan Mother represents a different aspect of the feminine persona. The story of the eleventh Clan Mother, “Walks Tall Woman,” corresponds to the definition of feminine power that spoke to me the most.
Walks Tall Woman’s story begins with her role as a strong clan leader and an example for her people. One day she leaves the village in search of answers from a vision. She soon falls asleep and is confronted by Mountain Lion who begins to teach her about what she is missing in her life. Mountain Lion commends her on her strength and ability to wear her “masculine shield” of strength in swift and decisive action, but reveals to her that she is off-balance without her “feminine shield” of strength in inaction. Mountain Lion speaks to Walks Tall Woman about the balance of power found in vulnerability, rest, and times of inaction.
I sat back to absorb the message that Mountain Lion had for Walks Tall Woman and realized that it was a message for me too. As I meditated on it further, I saw how my internal view of a powerful female had been incredibly distorted by so many outside sources. The media, varying cultural norms and religious dogmas have all played a large part in indoctrinating me about feminine power. With this constant outside chatter by others, I didn’t even acknowledge my own inner voice talking to me about feminine power.
As I took some time to quiet all the other influences and just listen to my own higher wisdom, I found more questions arising. But is there really strength in inaction? Is there power in vulnerability? Can a passive voice be sometimes more effective and have more impact than an active one? The Cambridge Dictionary defines vulnerable as “open to attack, or can easily be influenced emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually.” The definition of vulnerability seems to carry an unpleasant undertone to it, but as I delved deeper I began to see the positive side to being defenseless. If I am vulnerable, I can easily be influenced because my heart is open. When this occurs, my heart is aware of all my own feelings, emotions, and actions as well as others. By being “awake,” I can observe the world in a much different way, be open to change, learn a different view, observe a new paradigm, and create a much broader view of my life.
Recently I heard Rev. Libby Smith speak about this concept: “When we become “in tune” with our hearts, we are reminded of how very much of our lives we are not fully living. It is about connecting to things around us--raising our consciousness. Having an awakened heart is having a heart that feels everything, whether it is hurt or joy. Out of the pain of an awakened heart comes the hope and possibility of joy.” To extend this idea of vulnerability, when we are walking through life with a conscious heart, we are listening to the world in a different way—a way that requires not just our ears, but all of our senses—our whole being!
As the Native Elder Sa’k’ej Henderson says, “To truly listen is to risk being changed forever” (Nepo 353). It made sense to me that there is tremendous power in learning to be vulnerable. With my heart open, I could be receptive to all things and allow change to flow into my life, making my universe grow. Rev. Kate Seitz Bortner said, “The willingness to become the one we are, allows us to become one with all.”
The suggestion of viewing vulnerability in a positive way led me to regard “rest and times of inaction” differently. Typically when I think of these terms, the image of laziness comes to mind. This concept does not resonate with me at all since I carry Antelope medicine at this time in my life. Antelope medicine speaks of decisive and swift action, and as a fledgling author and mom of three homeschooled children, I want that medicine to keep things in order and flowing in our life. I reflected on rest and inaction for quite some time to see if I could find a more constructive way to see them. As I did, other books, articles, and teachers began to show up in my life.
I read Conscious Conception by Jeannine Parvati Baker, The Red Tent by Anita Diamant, and Love and Power by Lynn Andrews. I learned how many ancient cultures believed that women are gifted with the ability to birth or create through their connection to their moon flow cycle. This time of rest during the moon flow cycle is also found in Walks Tall Woman’s story. She found that without monthly rest or retreat, the women of her clan became exhausted, argumentative, and unhappy. She noticed that women need to be inactive or passive, for a time, in order to draw strength. She considered it essential to our feminine nature and power to stop for a short time in order to let the Divine Spirit show us the web of support that we are surrounded with. Mountain Lion added to her observation: “Every woman must commit to herself to take the time she needs to retreat during her menstrual flow, when her womb is open to the light…during their moontimes women have the power to claim any available energy in their midst because their wombs are open to receive…” (Sams, 233) I began to embrace the concept of less activity during my cycle, and I surprisingly felt a significant increase in my energy when my mooncycle ceased monthly. I found that I was able to stay active and vulnerable in my life if I honored myself by taking some time to retreat and gather my energy and feminine power.
When I began this article I had no idea the journey for a definition of feminine power would take me five years to uncover. I just might have walked away if it had not been for the gift of birthing my daughter. Her life has fueled the burning desire in me to define and understand my own feminine power in order that one day I may help her uncover her own individual meaning.
Aggressiveness, self-sacrifice, and seduction—is this what defines feminine power? Are these the examples of feminine strength that I should turn to in order to guide my daughter in developing her own feminine place in the world? It occurred to me as I looked down into her beautiful face that I was not completely sure how to encourage my newborn to embrace her feminine power until I fully defined it for myself. I began writing this article shortly after Abby's birth in 2004, and I have finally emerged five years later to finish writing it because I feel satisfied with the answers I have found and integrated along my personal quest.
For several years I searched for women’s lives, books, and articles that would help me to further describe “feminine power” in my world. It was a year after Abby’s birth that a wonderful book by Jamie Sams, an author with Seneca heritage, came into my life. In The Thirteen Original Clan Mothers, she shares insight into Women’s Medicine and a description of feminine power that resonated with me. Each Clan Mother represents a different aspect of the feminine persona. The story of the eleventh Clan Mother, “Walks Tall Woman,” corresponds to the definition of feminine power that spoke to me the most.
Walks Tall Woman’s story begins with her role as a strong clan leader and an example for her people. One day she leaves the village in search of answers from a vision. She soon falls asleep and is confronted by Mountain Lion who begins to teach her about what she is missing in her life. Mountain Lion commends her on her strength and ability to wear her “masculine shield” of strength in swift and decisive action, but reveals to her that she is off-balance without her “feminine shield” of strength in inaction. Mountain Lion speaks to Walks Tall Woman about the balance of power found in vulnerability, rest, and times of inaction.
I sat back to absorb the message that Mountain Lion had for Walks Tall Woman and realized that it was a message for me too. As I meditated on it further, I saw how my internal view of a powerful female had been incredibly distorted by so many outside sources. The media, varying cultural norms and religious dogmas have all played a large part in indoctrinating me about feminine power. With this constant outside chatter by others, I didn’t even acknowledge my own inner voice talking to me about feminine power.
As I took some time to quiet all the other influences and just listen to my own higher wisdom, I found more questions arising. But is there really strength in inaction? Is there power in vulnerability? Can a passive voice be sometimes more effective and have more impact than an active one? The Cambridge Dictionary defines vulnerable as “open to attack, or can easily be influenced emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually.” The definition of vulnerability seems to carry an unpleasant undertone to it, but as I delved deeper I began to see the positive side to being defenseless. If I am vulnerable, I can easily be influenced because my heart is open. When this occurs, my heart is aware of all my own feelings, emotions, and actions as well as others. By being “awake,” I can observe the world in a much different way, be open to change, learn a different view, observe a new paradigm, and create a much broader view of my life.
Recently I heard Rev. Libby Smith speak about this concept: “When we become “in tune” with our hearts, we are reminded of how very much of our lives we are not fully living. It is about connecting to things around us--raising our consciousness. Having an awakened heart is having a heart that feels everything, whether it is hurt or joy. Out of the pain of an awakened heart comes the hope and possibility of joy.” To extend this idea of vulnerability, when we are walking through life with a conscious heart, we are listening to the world in a different way—a way that requires not just our ears, but all of our senses—our whole being!
As the Native Elder Sa’k’ej Henderson says, “To truly listen is to risk being changed forever” (Nepo 353). It made sense to me that there is tremendous power in learning to be vulnerable. With my heart open, I could be receptive to all things and allow change to flow into my life, making my universe grow. Rev. Kate Seitz Bortner said, “The willingness to become the one we are, allows us to become one with all.”
The suggestion of viewing vulnerability in a positive way led me to regard “rest and times of inaction” differently. Typically when I think of these terms, the image of laziness comes to mind. This concept does not resonate with me at all since I carry Antelope medicine at this time in my life. Antelope medicine speaks of decisive and swift action, and as a fledgling author and mom of three homeschooled children, I want that medicine to keep things in order and flowing in our life. I reflected on rest and inaction for quite some time to see if I could find a more constructive way to see them. As I did, other books, articles, and teachers began to show up in my life.
I read Conscious Conception by Jeannine Parvati Baker, The Red Tent by Anita Diamant, and Love and Power by Lynn Andrews. I learned how many ancient cultures believed that women are gifted with the ability to birth or create through their connection to their moon flow cycle. This time of rest during the moon flow cycle is also found in Walks Tall Woman’s story. She found that without monthly rest or retreat, the women of her clan became exhausted, argumentative, and unhappy. She noticed that women need to be inactive or passive, for a time, in order to draw strength. She considered it essential to our feminine nature and power to stop for a short time in order to let the Divine Spirit show us the web of support that we are surrounded with. Mountain Lion added to her observation: “Every woman must commit to herself to take the time she needs to retreat during her menstrual flow, when her womb is open to the light…during their moontimes women have the power to claim any available energy in their midst because their wombs are open to receive…” (Sams, 233) I began to embrace the concept of less activity during my cycle, and I surprisingly felt a significant increase in my energy when my mooncycle ceased monthly. I found that I was able to stay active and vulnerable in my life if I honored myself by taking some time to retreat and gather my energy and feminine power.
When I began this article I had no idea the journey for a definition of feminine power would take me five years to uncover. I just might have walked away if it had not been for the gift of birthing my daughter. Her life has fueled the burning desire in me to define and understand my own feminine power in order that one day I may help her uncover her own individual meaning.
Resources
Nepo, Mark. The Book of Awakening. York Beach, ME: Conari Press, 2000.
Sams, Jamie. The 13 Original Clan Mothers. New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers, 1993.
Smith, Libby Rev. "Awakened Hearts." Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Lower Bucks. Fairless Hills, 12 Apr. 2009.
Seitz Bortner, Kate Rev. "Listening." Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Lower Bucks. Fairless Hills, 19 Apr. 2009.
First printed in Inner Vision Magazine June 2009. Reprinted here with permission from InnerVision Magazine. www.innervisionmagazine.com
Nepo, Mark. The Book of Awakening. York Beach, ME: Conari Press, 2000.
Sams, Jamie. The 13 Original Clan Mothers. New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers, 1993.
Smith, Libby Rev. "Awakened Hearts." Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Lower Bucks. Fairless Hills, 12 Apr. 2009.
Seitz Bortner, Kate Rev. "Listening." Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Lower Bucks. Fairless Hills, 19 Apr. 2009.
First printed in Inner Vision Magazine June 2009. Reprinted here with permission from InnerVision Magazine. www.innervisionmagazine.com