Over the past month, I began a journey to discover the roots of my own name. I wondered if it might relate to the work that I am passionate about, and if there was someone similar to me in the past.  Being the family genealogist, I explored my own lineage first, but found no close relatives in the last several generations that share my first name.  Next, I examined the religious and cultural figures that bear the same name and surprisingly an enchanted trail emerged and I eagerly danced down the path reading about many fascinating women.  Finally, one morning I arrived at the life story of a historical "Sar'h" whose calling in life so closely resembles my own, that I broke into tears of joy and recognition. I had found my namesake!   

A name can provides a sense of connection, identity and often direction for a person. In fact, names are so important that many cultures include naming as a rite of passage in a child's life.  For example, in the Ojibwe Nation, when a child is born, a grandparent or elder is asked to consider these questions: "What is it that this child needs? Who is this child?" and "What have they come to do?"  Upon reflection and prayer, a name is finally born.  

In family constellation work, it is often meaningful to look at the prior generations and see who we share our name with.  Asking questions about our namesake's joys and struggles can provide clues to our own hidden talents or challenges.

In January, I spoke about the positive traits that we inherit from our ancestors such as skills, talents and ways of being.  This month, I encourage you to journey into your past and research your namesake.  Find out where your name comes from and what characteristics you share with that person.  Finding Sar'h has been a beautiful reminder for me to honor and thank those who have come before us, for all that they have gifted us including their name.

​One of the major concepts in family constellation work is the idea of belonging. We belong to an original family system when we are born, and eventually create and belong to a family system of our own as we reach adulthood. A constellation session typically begins by looking at who and what is a part of the family system.  Often we find, at the root of many inherited familial patterns, someone or something that has been excluded from the family system resulting in a sense of "stuckness" that impacts the entire system for several generations. Through the simple act of acknowledgement, though, healthy restoration of the family system can begin to occur.

Surprisingly, the concept of acknowledgement can be difficult to understand, and the question arises "How can we truly acknowledge someone or something?"  By definition, to acknowledge means to recognize and accept the truth or existence of something. In family constellation work we call this witnessing without judgement from a place of compassionate neutrality.  Not only can the impact of witnessing apply to traumatic events, but also as a new way to see individuals. The power of being seen, acknowledged and accepted can heal many wounds. 

In 2015,  I attended the U.S. Constellation Conference in San Diego, California and was fortunate to hear Edward Tick, Ph.D., the Executive Director, Co-founder of Soldier’s Heart and author of  Warrior’s Return: Restoring the Soul After War, speak about his healing work with veterans and PTSD.  During the workshop he repeatedly brought our attention to the importance of individuals being able to share their story with silent and compassionate witnesses.  He asserts that this enables the individual who is carrying the burden to "share the load" with others inviting in space for healing to occur.

This month, in our mini-constellation exercise, we will experience being witnessed and witnessing another from a place of compassion.

In addition, we will close our circle this month with an opportunity to witness and acknowledge the global community from a place of compassion.

In constellation work, we frequently look to the dysfunctional epigenetic inheritance that is often passed down from our ancestors to find the root of recurring issues in our lives.  Yet, rarely do we acknowledge and honor the positive epigenetic inheritances that we have received from those who came before us.  What gifts or ways of being have been bestowed upon you by your ancestors?

For many years I have worked with healing the various traums in my own family's history.  Recently, I experienced how gratitude and acknowledgement can play a vital role in healing.  Instead of focusing all of my energy on the past traumas, I began to look for the strengths that run through my family line.  It's been interesting to notice how many of my interests and talents were shared by those who came before me.  

For example, my maternal grandmother, like her mother before her, was a seamstress who used this skill to support her family just after World War II when union upheaval caused my grandfather to lose his job.  As a child, I dreamed of owning and sewing my own ball gown. I longed to learn how to sew, but unfortunately my mother had never learned to sew. About five years ago, I began to teach myself how to use a sewing machine and read patterns.  I learned quickly and others mentioned that I seemed to have a "knack" for sewing.  Two years ago I finally fulfilled that childhood dream and finished sewing a Civil War Ball gown for myself complete with homemade undergarments.  In sharing my success with a friend she connected my ability to sew with my grandmother's skills.  Now, whenever I sew, I think of my grandmother and offer a prayer of gratitude for the skills she unknowingly passed on to me.

This month, in our mini-constellation exercise, we will have the opportunity to reflect on the blessings of the past as we move forward into the New Year with gratitude. ​

The final months of the year bring many traditional celebrations that involve light--Saint Lucia Day, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas and the Winter Solstice to name just a few. Slowly the amount of daylight has grown shorter and the darkness has become longer allowing the opportunity to reflect inwardly on the light that resides in each of us.  

I share this beautiful prayer tonight as we bring the darkness to a close on the Winter Solstice and step into the cycle of the sun's return remembering the luminosity in all beings. 

A Winter Solstice Prayer
The dark shadow of space leans over us. . . . .
We are mindful that the darkness of greed, exploitation, and hatred also lengthens its shadow over our small planet Earth.
As our ancestors feared death and evil and all the dark powers of winter, we fear that the darkness of war, discrimination, and selfishness may doom us and our planet to an eternal winter.
May we find hope in the lights we have kindled on this sacred night, hope in one another and in all who form the web-work of peace and justice that spans the world.
In the heart of every person on this Earth
burns the spark of luminous goodness;
in no heart is there total darkness.
May we who have celebrated this winter solstice,
by our lives and service, by our prayers and love,
call forth from one another the light and the love
that is hidden in every heart.
Amen.
-Edward Hays- Prayers for a Planetary Pilgrim
 
May this Season of Light be filled with love and peace!

Why and how do you celebrate Thanksgiving?  

This year, I have struggled with the idea of celebrating the holiday of Thanksgiving especially in light of the recent events at Standing Rock.  On one hand the day is known by most people as a time of friendship, giving and sharing, yet there is also a real history of violence, violation and greed associated with it that is rarely talked about.  I have learned and witnessed, through Systemic Constellation, that whatever is excluded persists until it is seen and acknowledged.  It has occurred to me that perhaps what is unfolding in the Midwest is an opportunity for truth to come forward and be seen.  

In an attempt to honor and stand as a witness to the fate of those who came before us on this land, I did more research and found out that thanksgiving celebrations in America did not begin in 1621 with the Europeans arrival, but were here long before that.  

For many years before her death, Princess Red-Wing, a Native American leader known for her wisdom and her storytelling, shared the story of the Five Thanksgivings that Native Americans in Southeastern New England celebrated each year for hundreds of years before Europeans came to America.   

• The first thanksgiving of the year takes place in March, when the sap begins to flow, and is a celebration of the maple trees and the sweet gift that they bring.  
• The second thanksgiving occurs in June and is called the Strawberry Thanksgiving or the Thanksgiving of Renewed Friendship.  It is based on a story of reconciliation between a brother and sister with a peace offering of strawberries gifted by the Great Spirit.
• The third thanksgiving is celebrated in July and is called the Green Bean Thanksgiving.  For many years, the people would leave the green bean pods on the vine to dry allowing the small beans inside to grow bigger.  The old story  around this thanksgiving speaks of a minature man who offers a young boy from the tribe his tiny bow and arrow.  The boy refuses thinking it will be too small to be useful.  The little man then share a secret about picking the beans when the pods are still green despite the diminutive size of the beans inside. This teaching in this honors the wisdom of non-judgement and not refusing anything thought to be too small.
• The fourth thanksgiving happens in early October and is called the Cranberry Thanksgiving.  It is often is associated with the time period of summer-like weather that follows the first frost.  Although the nutritious little cranberry does not have the sweetness of other summer berries, its sourness is a reminder that the long cold winter is ahead and preparations need to be made.
• The final yearly thanksgiving celebration is the one most closely associated with the nationally celebrated Thanksgiving holiday.  In late October or early November, when the first hard frost comes over the land, the indigenous people of Southeastern New England gather together to give thanks for the many gifts and harvests the Earth has provided throughout the year with a feast of thanksgiving.  

     It is a gift to know that original thanksgiving celebrations on this land were really based on a way of living each day in complete gratitude.  In light of this wisdom, I can come together with family in a celebration of thankfulness for the abundance we are gifted each day.  I also stand as a witness today to the fate of all those who came before us, and I honor them by speaking of their traditions and wisdom.  By bringing gratitude into our lives each day we can walk in harmony with the Earth and all its inhabitants making everyday a day of thanksgiving and celebration. 
 
Have a beautiful day of thanks today!
 
Allsup, Kim. The Pilgrims Were Not Present at the First Thanksgiving in America!  November 23, 2015.

​​This past month has been exciting and filled with lots of fun and learning as we began our new school year. It was also a month that held a huge decision for our family. Our daughter has been attending a wonderful learning community in Hopewell, NJ over the past year, whose mission is to educate children in a well-rounded and holistic way.  As much as we love this learning community, we decided that the best decision for us as a family was to have her join us at home again to homeschool.   In reflecting on this, I recognized how difficult decisions can be especially when others are directly affected by that decision.  It reminds me of the image of a drop of water in a pond creating ripples that reach much further into the pond than we often realize.   
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In times of indecision, I find myself turning to one of my best inner resources--my true self.  The true self is our full and complete self, and can serve us as a powerful helper during stressful times.  When we stop and tune into this part of us, we remember who we are and what we value.  Establishing a relationship with our true self allows us to face difficult times with strength and stability as our authentic self.

Last month in circle, we had the chance to discover and experience an unknown resource in our life. Many of us thought of resources outside of ourselves, and were surprised to find that some of the best and underused resources come from within us. This month, we will have the opportunity to experience our true self through constellation work.

Mark Wolynn, in his new book, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle, asks this thoughtful question. Up until now, scientists believed that all we inherit are physical traits from our ancestors, but groundbreaking scientific fields such as epigentics  are beginning to show that the imprint we receive is much more than just the physical characteristics of those who came before us.  Wolynn writes, "Emerging trends in psychotherapy are now beginning to point beyond the traumas of the individual to include traumatic events in the family and social history as a part of the whole picture. Tragedies varying in type and intensity—such as abandonment, suicide and war, or the early death of a child, parent, or sibling—can send shock waves of distress cascading from one generation to the next. Recent developments in the fields of cellular biology, neurobiology, epigenetics, and developmental psychology underscore the importance of exploring at least three generations of family history in order to understand the mechanism behind patterns of trauma and suffering that repeat..." Read more